Writer’s block and creating something.

If you are a content creator in general, chances are you’re going to lose your creative juices. You could spend literally days on end non stop trying to come up with a concept or a backbone as a guide for your next project. Only trouble is, well you can’t come up with anything. Similar to running a long marathon, chances are if you are unprepared, you’re going to have to face the wall. A sudden halt, you gave everything you have to the point of which you can’t even move a muscle. The same could apply with trying to come up with a concept.

When you start something, it’s easy to come up with things to do because the beginning is always the most exciting part, you’ll have tons of ideas flowing to the point where it seems that new ideas would feel like they would come to you non-stop every day. However in most cases, you’ll tend to find that in whatever art you take, the more you get into it, you’re going to want to learn all these new rules and strategies. However, with this new learning, you’ll tend to find that all of the sudden you end up limiting your ideas more than ever before. You want everything to be perfect all at once, you can’t think creatively like you did before and you end up losing the motivation to create stuff.

I’ve been having the worse creative block for the past 6 months, not being able to create a new idea on top of my head. Which is strange because 6 years ago when I first started getting into film making, I had all these ideas left and right, building lightsabers to make a star wars fan fiction, using broken guncon controllers to make an FPS shooter, flashing trippy shoes, MORTAL KOMBAT Parody and so on and so forth. Unfortunately, all that come to a stop when I started getting into filmography as a career. The moment I had that mindset when I told myself I NEED to come up with something, it felt like I was holding my creative mind hostage and forcing it to come up with ideas, as opposed to writing something because for the love of the art.

Changing from passion to business mindset isn’t necessarily a bad thing, because of that change, I’ve managed to get contacts, networking with other freelance videographers, video artists, different media companies and different production teams whom I’d wish to work or have a fun side project with in the near future. However, this business mindset had took over and all of the sudden, my passion of which I’ve put in tons of work into now felt like actual work. This is one of the reasons why I didn’t want to make music as a career. Not to sound pretentious but in a way, I foresaw this moment in middle school when I refuse to ever wanting to take music class, fearing that I wouldn’t want to ever play a guitar ever again because it felt like work.

I’ve written 6 different scripts so far and I can say with full confidence they are terrible scripts. They are so terrible, it makes “The Room” (by T. Wiseau) look like an Academy Award winning artistic auteur film. Yes I am making progress and I could probably work my way around those scripts and polish it to make it a bit better, but the thing is, it doesn’t sit well with me. The reason so is because I actually had to force it out of me. It’s not a concept that I want to do, but it felt like something I needed to do to get to somewhere. To an extent I guess that’s a good thing because I am actually making progress, but I need you to think about this for a second. If you’re a creator, would you much rather create something that you could attach yourself with emotionally and have a deep connection with but have everyone hate your work OR would you rather create something of which everyone loves but deep down inside, you are not even close to being content with your work? If you picked the second one, there’s a term for it of which I have my personal stance against and it’s something I hope to God that would never happen to me. It’s called selling out. Call it ego, call it pride, but as a content creator, I don’t want to create things just to please others.

It’s hard, art is very subjective and people may not like your work, but I’d like to believe that art, regardless of whether or not you like it, but the effort the artist puts into making that piece of art is something beautiful. I don’t want to sound preachy but I feel like people are just doing what is expected to the point where I feel that no one is wanting to push the boundaries anymore. We are so comfortable with where we are, art doesn’t feel like it’s progressing any further, it’s gotten to the point where non visible art is a thing now. I’ve created tons of things in my whole life, some are pretty bad, some are pretty decent and some are just downright awful, but that’s okay. It’s okay because you don’t have to like it and that’s your choice and you are entitled to like or dislike my work, that’s the beauty of the whole thing. People are different and that’s okay. What I don’t like is when people try to shape you into something that they think is correct, if you disagree with whatever advice people tell you about your art, that’s fine, because art isn’t supposed to be one way or the other. If you put in time and effort and you do it for the love of the art, to me that is art. I’d like to think that sometimes art isn’t necessarily just the outcome of the progress, but instead it’s the whole progress from beginning to end, like the progression of filmmaking. Pre-production to production to post-production, all of these things are so important into making a quality film and people tend to over look the effort that’s been put into in order to make the film.

As a developing artist, I want to love what I create, I remember creating a short film for film class that pleased my teacher but I didn’t like it one bit and that film had stuck with me to this day. I’ve been regretting ever making that short film that it had taught me a life lesson. “When you live to please others, you would find that you’re going change yourself every day to the point where you lose your identity. The moment you lose your identity, you are no longer an individual, you have become a voiceless follower”. My friend and I had made an album together that was unbelievably fun to make and every single song on the album I could connect with and to this day I am so proud of what my friend and I have created and I share that music with pride. That band we created was called Lo-F(b)i which so far, has more negative feedbacks than positive but regardless of what other people think, I still think it’s one of the greatest things that I’ve ever participated in and I’m proud of it. Call it egoistical that I use my personal experience of what art is supposed to be, but I am sure that everyone has created something that they are proud of, that nobody else understands. I’m just trying to get people into that mindset that art can be whatever you want it to be….. Just, don’t expect me to buy an empty canvas for a 10,000 dollars and expect me to call it art, lol.

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